Wow! It's been almost a year since we have moved down here and the time has just flown by! I cannot believe how much our life has changed for the better. The kids are adjusting well to school and making friends. Gary has been promoted twice since transferring. We are in the process of buying our own house.
Ashley has decided to join the Army after she graduates. She is exercising, making it a priority to go to school, and has even cleaned up her attitude around the family. Garrett is finally starting the teenager attitude that I am starting to recognize as "angst." Boo is growing into a beautiful young woman that I hardly recognize yet allowing her loving and compassionate self to dominate. Morgan is even more Morgan than ever before. She is self-motivated with school, responsible, and organized. All of the kids are creative and imaginative. I am proud to be their mother.
We moved from the house we moved into when we moved down here because in September we found out that the woman we had been renting from was not making her mortgage payments and the bank foreclosed on the house. In October my neighbor, Margie, gave me a number to call about someone who was looking for someone to take over payments on his house. We talked with the loan officer in charge of the loan on the house and were told that if we made the next three payments on time he would write the loan for us to have the house. So, three months later, we are 2.5 payments in (getting ready to make the other .5 payment on the 11th) and waiting to find out what the terms of the loan will be.
Mom and Dad are proud that we're buying a house and have been helping with the gas until we get the refund and can carry ourselves. The house payment is supposed to drop and after Gary gets a car I'll be going back to work.
We have made some really genuine friends down here. Margie, Will and Bob's mother, has become the kind of friend that allows me to give in to my "it's not so serious" side. She let us borrow her Christmas tree over the holidays and is the GOD when it comes to specials around the area. Jenni was a surprise friend and I'm really glad for it. She lived next to us when we were on Toccopola Loop and stayed to herself over the summer. It wasn't until we were getting ready to move and she found out how things went down that we started talking. She reminds me a lot of myself in many ways. She is adamant about how she feels about things and stands up for what she thinks is right. She also has fallen in love with the kids and will ask if she can keep one or two of them while her husband is gone for the week. She, her husband, her two friends, Margie, Will, Bob, and of course my family all loaded our house up and moved us over the 20th or so of October because Gary was working crazy busy hours and we didn't have a trailer to move our stuff. Since then we visit at least once a week and watch out for one another.
Christi and Jamie have always been family, but since moving down here even more so. They are always available for conversation or help if needed. In June Luna's head gasket cracked and we were at a loss as to who to go with to have her fixed. After finding out why NOT to go where we went, Jamie gave up a day's sleep to help us get her into town to O'Reilly's in Pontotoc so we could figure out what was wrong with her after over a month of being "fixed." Yeah...that whole deal was a cluster f***! However, even that turned out for the best because we met some wonderful people and still maintain contact with them. Peter, from Gary's work, let us use his personal vehicle for almost the whole time that Luna was being worked on. Mike, also from HD, helped Gary get to and from work until Peter let us borrow his Jeep. Keith, Luna's new "doctor," was more than happy to help us get Luna back on the road.
Another surprise friend is Kathy from the appliance rental place. She has not only been a godsend with understanding our crazy life, but she has become a friend. We call and chat with one another about daily things and give each other suggestions for problems that are going on at that time. There was one point over the Christmas break that the fire was being especially stubborn and she told me that if it didn't catch to pack up the kids and Clover and come over to her house. The fire caught right after we got off the phone. But...the fact that she offered meant a lot.
I guess what I'm taking so long to say is that I'm genuinely appreciative and surprised by how welcoming the community...no the STATE has been to our family. I love how real the majority of the people are down here. How friendship really is important to other people and they try to be the kind of friend they want. It was the way I grew up and it is how I have wanted the kids to grow up. It may have taken us a LONG time to get down here, but we finally made it and are thriving with it.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
It's Good For Me
Mississippi has been good for all of us, but for the first time in years I can add myself to that list. Since we have made the move and gotten settled in I have noticed some subtle yet substantial changes in myself.
To begin with, I have started losing inches...not just pounds but inches. Which means I have been toning up as well as watching what I'm eating and the portion size. I have been cooking more from scratch as well as drinking more water. I have more energy and my sleep schedule is more "normal." I am feeling better and looking better as well. My face is also responding to the extra vitamin D and is clearing up to the point that I am surprised. I have been off of the blood pressure and antibiotics for 2 months now and this is the clearest I have been since Tennessee.
I have also been getting outside a LOT more. We have a 15' x 42" pool we have been using to cool off and to give the kids something to stave off the boredom of summer. I have been going out and floating relaxing in it during the day. The result has been that not only do I have color for the first time in years, but I feel a LOT less grumpy and confined. I also have a tan that looks pretty damn good! LOL
I have been researching ways of cutting costs on things we use a LOT and ran across ways of making some of our most commonly used things. I made our first batch of laundry detergent. I am also going to make our own liquid hand soap. I also bought a bread machine and have been baking bread on a daily basis. I love how soft the bread is and how much cheaper it is! I have been looking up recipes for bread machines and am looking forward to making them. Christi says that she's "going to make a prepper out of me yet." I don't know about that, but making things versus buying them definitely gives me a sense of self pride I haven't had in many years.
We are also in the process of paying off a loan Gary got against his 401K a couple of years ago for the electric bill. Gary has said that once he gets that paid off (in 2 more paychecks) he is going to take out another one so that we can move closer to Oxford. I would love to stay out here, but the mileage and bugs are making it damn near impossible to save any money. The house we are in was empty for a year before we moved in and the yard had not been treated in god knows how long. The kids love being out here in the country and I have to admit that I really like it too, but I also miss living in town just for the convenience of being able to run down the road to pick up something that we need. We are in Oxford 5 out of 7 days a week and if we were to move there, the gas would go down. It would also give Ash a better chance of finding and keeping a job. She's going to be 18 this summer and is anxious to move out on her own. Moving into Oxford would give her a better chance for success than having to find a way into work every day that she works as well as do well in school. We're hoping to be moved by the end of summer so the kids can get settled by the time school starts.
It hasn't completely sunk in yet that we are here to stay. There's a part of me that thinks of this as "home" but there's another part that still can't believe we're here for good. Yes, we're going to visit friends and family up north when we can, but we're not planning on going back. I guess it just has to do with not having been here long enough to familiarize myself with the area. I'm getting there, but it's just going to take some time. It's beautiful down here. I'm finally getting used to the road signs and differences in ways to measure distance. I am also finally getting a mental picture of surrounding areas. Like I said, it's going to take time. When Gary moved to Kirksville so many years ago, I remember him feeling lost and wondering how he could feel lost in a small town like Kirksville. I guess now I know. By the time we left, that lost feeling had been gone for many years. I am sure that will happen here too. I just hate feeling unprepared and "out of place."
To begin with, I have started losing inches...not just pounds but inches. Which means I have been toning up as well as watching what I'm eating and the portion size. I have been cooking more from scratch as well as drinking more water. I have more energy and my sleep schedule is more "normal." I am feeling better and looking better as well. My face is also responding to the extra vitamin D and is clearing up to the point that I am surprised. I have been off of the blood pressure and antibiotics for 2 months now and this is the clearest I have been since Tennessee.
I have also been getting outside a LOT more. We have a 15' x 42" pool we have been using to cool off and to give the kids something to stave off the boredom of summer. I have been going out and floating relaxing in it during the day. The result has been that not only do I have color for the first time in years, but I feel a LOT less grumpy and confined. I also have a tan that looks pretty damn good! LOL
I have been researching ways of cutting costs on things we use a LOT and ran across ways of making some of our most commonly used things. I made our first batch of laundry detergent. I am also going to make our own liquid hand soap. I also bought a bread machine and have been baking bread on a daily basis. I love how soft the bread is and how much cheaper it is! I have been looking up recipes for bread machines and am looking forward to making them. Christi says that she's "going to make a prepper out of me yet." I don't know about that, but making things versus buying them definitely gives me a sense of self pride I haven't had in many years.
We are also in the process of paying off a loan Gary got against his 401K a couple of years ago for the electric bill. Gary has said that once he gets that paid off (in 2 more paychecks) he is going to take out another one so that we can move closer to Oxford. I would love to stay out here, but the mileage and bugs are making it damn near impossible to save any money. The house we are in was empty for a year before we moved in and the yard had not been treated in god knows how long. The kids love being out here in the country and I have to admit that I really like it too, but I also miss living in town just for the convenience of being able to run down the road to pick up something that we need. We are in Oxford 5 out of 7 days a week and if we were to move there, the gas would go down. It would also give Ash a better chance of finding and keeping a job. She's going to be 18 this summer and is anxious to move out on her own. Moving into Oxford would give her a better chance for success than having to find a way into work every day that she works as well as do well in school. We're hoping to be moved by the end of summer so the kids can get settled by the time school starts.
It hasn't completely sunk in yet that we are here to stay. There's a part of me that thinks of this as "home" but there's another part that still can't believe we're here for good. Yes, we're going to visit friends and family up north when we can, but we're not planning on going back. I guess it just has to do with not having been here long enough to familiarize myself with the area. I'm getting there, but it's just going to take some time. It's beautiful down here. I'm finally getting used to the road signs and differences in ways to measure distance. I am also finally getting a mental picture of surrounding areas. Like I said, it's going to take time. When Gary moved to Kirksville so many years ago, I remember him feeling lost and wondering how he could feel lost in a small town like Kirksville. I guess now I know. By the time we left, that lost feeling had been gone for many years. I am sure that will happen here too. I just hate feeling unprepared and "out of place."
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Here We Go!
Well...today is the day. It's the day that I am going to battle the crowds of people at the store so that I can fill my cupboards with food stuffs. I have my list, menu, and working on the energy to arm myself for the upcoming battle. I'm anticipating at least 2 carts and some really tired kidlets by the end of the day. I'm also looking forward to all the goodies I will be making. Things like homemade bread, rolls, crusts, cookies, pies, cakes, and even tortillas!
Now just to get to the store and finish the hardest part of it all...getting it and putting it away.
Tari
Now just to get to the store and finish the hardest part of it all...getting it and putting it away.
Tari
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Update and Goals
It's been three months since I last posted. We made the move, have unpacked, and can...for the most part...say we are settled in. In the time that we have been here, there have been some adjustments that the family has had to make. Here's the list, so far:
As mentioned before, I have been remembering when I only had 3 children and was buying groceries once a month (excluding things like milk, eggs, bread) and we were not only eating better, but we were saving money. To buy those groceries for a month, it was only about 350 dollars and I was cooking more, eating healthier, and things were more organized. I have been trying to get back to that for several years, but found one excuse or another to postpone it. Living out here has taken away all of those excuses. We are not being forced to cut our trips into town down to a bare minimum due to the cost of gas as well as the time spent on the road. So, beginning as soon as possible I am going to be re-organizing the cupboards, freezers, and refrigerator in order to make room for the food. I am going to be cooking a lot more from scratch, planning ahead and preparing for those meals, and enjoying not worrying about the infernal question: "What's for supper, mom?"
I actually MISS baking cookies, brownies, cakes, pies, and the like. I miss setting the meat out for that evening's meal. About the only time I do that anymore is around the holidays and it's always stressful so not as enjoyable. Now that we're in a one-level house where cleaning is much easier I have not only the time, but the energy to devote to cooking like I used to. And, now that the kids are older, they can help much more than they used to. Believe it or not, I'm actually considering getting some chickens for eggs and also for meat when they no longer lay eggs. For less than 100 dollars I could build a coop for those chickens and in less than a year I could be having fresh eggs daily.
I'm hoping to not only save money, but also to become less dependent on mass production. Life is different here, but only in comparison to how things are done today. Life here is more reminiscent to how I grew up 30 years ago...where people took time to do things right the first time instead of replacing things for the convenience of it.
I'm excited for the challenges coming up. I know that they are not going to be easy, but with some elbow grease and some stamina, they will be able to be accomplished and the results will be so very worth that effort!
Tari
- Hubby is 25 miles from work so that's 50 miles a day/5 days a week being driven
- School is not as high a priority here as up north. We are in the last week and a half of school and the teachers are telling the kids that they do not need to come to school on specific days. (WHAT???) And, homework is not sent home on a nightly basis (Yes!!!)
- We are out in the middle of nowhere and LOVING IT! We can see the night sky in all of its glory, hear the insects singing, and the kids are playing outside much more than when we were in town. They are finally learning to entertain themselves with only their imagination as "toys."
- The kids are getting to experience what it was like when I was growing up...getting the small town atmosphere with the mandatory respect for elders taught by not only us as parents but also seeing their peers living the same way.
- Shopping daily is NOT possible out here. I am researching and beginning to employ things like making my own laundry detergent, dish detergent, insecticide for the animals AND yard (flea, tick, ant, and spider control), dishwasher detergent, and even fabric softener. I'm remembering when I used to do major grocery shopping once a month and putting those things into action so we can eventually have more money at the end of the month...which translates into gas into the gas tank so hubby can continue to work without worrying how he's going to get home.
- There are NO movie rental places here other than Redbox! I find that the one thing I miss the most about Kirksville is HASTINGS...go figure?
As mentioned before, I have been remembering when I only had 3 children and was buying groceries once a month (excluding things like milk, eggs, bread) and we were not only eating better, but we were saving money. To buy those groceries for a month, it was only about 350 dollars and I was cooking more, eating healthier, and things were more organized. I have been trying to get back to that for several years, but found one excuse or another to postpone it. Living out here has taken away all of those excuses. We are not being forced to cut our trips into town down to a bare minimum due to the cost of gas as well as the time spent on the road. So, beginning as soon as possible I am going to be re-organizing the cupboards, freezers, and refrigerator in order to make room for the food. I am going to be cooking a lot more from scratch, planning ahead and preparing for those meals, and enjoying not worrying about the infernal question: "What's for supper, mom?"
I actually MISS baking cookies, brownies, cakes, pies, and the like. I miss setting the meat out for that evening's meal. About the only time I do that anymore is around the holidays and it's always stressful so not as enjoyable. Now that we're in a one-level house where cleaning is much easier I have not only the time, but the energy to devote to cooking like I used to. And, now that the kids are older, they can help much more than they used to. Believe it or not, I'm actually considering getting some chickens for eggs and also for meat when they no longer lay eggs. For less than 100 dollars I could build a coop for those chickens and in less than a year I could be having fresh eggs daily.
I'm hoping to not only save money, but also to become less dependent on mass production. Life is different here, but only in comparison to how things are done today. Life here is more reminiscent to how I grew up 30 years ago...where people took time to do things right the first time instead of replacing things for the convenience of it.
I'm excited for the challenges coming up. I know that they are not going to be easy, but with some elbow grease and some stamina, they will be able to be accomplished and the results will be so very worth that effort!
Tari
Monday, February 6, 2012
The Times Are A Changin'
Let me give a little back story to why times are changing. In 1998 my husband died three days after I found out I was pregnant with our son. I decided then that it was time to start over. By starting over I meant to leave the state...no this particular part of the country. I had a 3 year old daughter and a child on the way and I wanted to get them away from the area I grew up in.
Well, fortunately (or unfortunately, I still haven't decided) I also was in love with the man I am still with and I told him that I was moving after the funeral and why. He asked me to stay. I decided to give US a try so I did. Here it is 14 years later and we are finally going to leave.
The job situation in this area is virtually nonexistent and promotion within a current job is even more so. He wants to go back to school, but not here. The kids are beginning to understand why I did not want them to grow up in this area. He is finally ready to leave. The kids (save the 2nd daughter) want to start over. Me? Well, I don't know if it's the impending upheaval in our lives or just out and out terror, but I'm scared.
Why? I have been wanting this for years. I know that where we're going is going to be great for the family. I also know it is what my oldest daughter needs for her own sanity. I know he needs this for his peace of mind. We are moving closer to members of my family that I want to be around. We can afford to live in this part of the country without sacrificing safety for the kids. What is going on?
The furthest I have gotten is that over the years I have discovered that I prefer familiarity. I know this area. I know what to expect here. I know where to go for help. I have relationships here that I will miss when we leave. However, we will have more opportunities there. The weather is warmer there. The people are "good ole boys" there. The cost of living is similar as to here. Other than the familiarity, there's nothing but 600 miles and different people between this town and that one.
I have decided to leave it up to the powers that be. If it's meant to be, we will get the house we're looking at (and will find out about today). If they are feeling really generous, he will get the transfer. If not, he says he will look at a competitor for employment. I will pack the house up and make the arrangements to move our lives from one place to another. I will get Luna road-worthy (she needs new tires, an oil change, turn signal replaced, and front end aligned). I will transfer the kids' school records. I will set up the utilities, deposits, get the tags transferred, make sure the insurance will cover from here to there, and a multitude of other things that come with a cross-country move. And then, when that is all over and done, I will want to sleep for a month!
I went to Walmart tonight with the intention of getting toilet paper for the house and came home with a new tool box, a new drill, packing tape, sharpies, quick tabs (personal joke), baggies, and a socket adapter for the new (more powerful) drill. I walked out of there thinking that I must be getting older and set in my ways because I'm taking on one hell of a job!
Tari
Well, fortunately (or unfortunately, I still haven't decided) I also was in love with the man I am still with and I told him that I was moving after the funeral and why. He asked me to stay. I decided to give US a try so I did. Here it is 14 years later and we are finally going to leave.
The job situation in this area is virtually nonexistent and promotion within a current job is even more so. He wants to go back to school, but not here. The kids are beginning to understand why I did not want them to grow up in this area. He is finally ready to leave. The kids (save the 2nd daughter) want to start over. Me? Well, I don't know if it's the impending upheaval in our lives or just out and out terror, but I'm scared.
Why? I have been wanting this for years. I know that where we're going is going to be great for the family. I also know it is what my oldest daughter needs for her own sanity. I know he needs this for his peace of mind. We are moving closer to members of my family that I want to be around. We can afford to live in this part of the country without sacrificing safety for the kids. What is going on?
The furthest I have gotten is that over the years I have discovered that I prefer familiarity. I know this area. I know what to expect here. I know where to go for help. I have relationships here that I will miss when we leave. However, we will have more opportunities there. The weather is warmer there. The people are "good ole boys" there. The cost of living is similar as to here. Other than the familiarity, there's nothing but 600 miles and different people between this town and that one.
I have decided to leave it up to the powers that be. If it's meant to be, we will get the house we're looking at (and will find out about today). If they are feeling really generous, he will get the transfer. If not, he says he will look at a competitor for employment. I will pack the house up and make the arrangements to move our lives from one place to another. I will get Luna road-worthy (she needs new tires, an oil change, turn signal replaced, and front end aligned). I will transfer the kids' school records. I will set up the utilities, deposits, get the tags transferred, make sure the insurance will cover from here to there, and a multitude of other things that come with a cross-country move. And then, when that is all over and done, I will want to sleep for a month!
I went to Walmart tonight with the intention of getting toilet paper for the house and came home with a new tool box, a new drill, packing tape, sharpies, quick tabs (personal joke), baggies, and a socket adapter for the new (more powerful) drill. I walked out of there thinking that I must be getting older and set in my ways because I'm taking on one hell of a job!
Tari
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?
About the wonders and beauty of primer? Eye primer is different than face primer.
About the fact that the foundation is NOT the first layer to be applied to the face?
About how to soften vs. concealing lines and wrinkles?
I feel like I have been cheated! All these years I could have been using makeup to its fullest potential and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface! Oh well...I'm learning now and having a blast with it. I will, however, not leave my daughters alone to figure all of these things out themselves. I will be showing them how to achieve these things and more so they will have the full benefit of hiding blemishes, concealing acne scars, layering vs. caking, the beauties of primers, and so much more than what I had learned up to this point.
I found a great video on how to soften acne scars tonight and cannot wait to try it out tomorrow! Youtube is a great friend!
Note to self: I really and truly need to get a vanity table, if only to have use of my kitchen table again!
Tari
About the fact that the foundation is NOT the first layer to be applied to the face?
About how to soften vs. concealing lines and wrinkles?
I feel like I have been cheated! All these years I could have been using makeup to its fullest potential and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface! Oh well...I'm learning now and having a blast with it. I will, however, not leave my daughters alone to figure all of these things out themselves. I will be showing them how to achieve these things and more so they will have the full benefit of hiding blemishes, concealing acne scars, layering vs. caking, the beauties of primers, and so much more than what I had learned up to this point.
I found a great video on how to soften acne scars tonight and cannot wait to try it out tomorrow! Youtube is a great friend!
Note to self: I really and truly need to get a vanity table, if only to have use of my kitchen table again!
Tari
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Hello! First post in a new blog is always a little boring and repetitive, but here goes....
I'm the mother of 4 wonderful and keep-me-on-my-toes children. They are the joy of my life and are always teaching me new things...mostly how to stay young in heart. I am constantly reminded that the little things matter the most. Things like hugs and kisses before bed, before school, after school, any time any of us need one or both. My kids show me all of their love and only ask that I love them in return (that's the big picture anyway...they always seem to be asking for a new gadget, toy, privilege, time off of grounding for good behavior, etc). One of the ways I gauge good days vs. bad days is based on how much we have laughed that day. If we have laughed more than frowned, then it's been a good day.
I love to learn new things and have taught myself a fair amount about computers: how to maintain them, how to use them to their full potential, how to make websites from the ground up, and a lot more (but not nearly enough to stay on top of a lot of kids today). The one thing I still have going for me is that I am still ahead of my kids in the technological arena, but not for long, I'm sure.
I insist on a positive attitude for myself as well as am teaching it to my children. I have been working on the hubby for the last 16 years, and he is finally starting to come around...see...persistence DOES pay off! HaHa I believe that if I'm looking for a needle in a haystack, I will find it and inversely, if I'm looking for a diamond in the rough, I will find that too. I choose to look at my mistakes as possibilities to be turned into strengths instead of things to ignore in hopes that they will go away. Only when I learn from my mistakes to I break the cycle of continuing the insanity of doing the same thing over and over while hoping for a different result.
I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. However, I am boring to a degree. I am a huge proponent for family. I am a huge proponent for change starting with me. Oh listen to me...I sound like I'm trying to convince you to like me...maybe I am. That's one of my insecurities...I want to be liked. I have been told that is normal...even though I don't always feel normal.
Because I don't always feel normal, I do things that help me feel normal for periods of time. Things like learn how to apply my makeup. Actually, I should say re-learn how to apply makeup. See, I have rosacea, as well as adult acne and have since I was 15. I'm almost 40 now and it has only been in the last 4 years that I have found out what rosacea was and now it has impacted my life. I quit wearing makeup for the most part over 15 years ago. The breakouts have been horrific, sometimes to the point where I would not leave the house for weeks at a time because I was so embarrassed. I did not attend my childrens' school functions, I would not socialize, I would not even look in the mirror because I didn't want to see the horrible break-outs. The ONLY things that seemed to help was taking antibiotics, washing with a prescription medicine, and putting some prescription strength retin-A on my face every day. The problem there was that I would have been shelling out over 200 dollars a month for that medicine and with 4 kids, a common-law husband (I am not on his insurance) who is not allowed overtime, the money just was never there. So, I have been just "dealing" with this all of this time.
About a month ago I began to see a light on the horizon. I went over to a friend's house and she gave me some of her unopened mineral makeup. I had mentioned that I had been lusting after this kind of makeup for years but could not afford it and she happened to have some she bought but never used because she just is not a makeup person. We had a "mini-makeover" and she showed me how to apply it and the kind of coverage it gave. I wore that makeup the rest of the night with NO ITCHING! That was the first time in my history of wearing any kind of makeup without my face itching after an hour, two, or even three! When I got home, I washed the makeup off and went to bed. The next day I decided to play around with it and figure out if it was just a one time thing or if this makeup really was as good as everyone had been saying. The next couple of weeks were hit and miss as far as wearing it regularly because I didn't have any decent brushes.
In the interim I began scouring youtube to find tutorials on how to apply makeup to get the looks I was going for (natural and accenting the features I have while hiding the now healing flare-ups). I found so many good videos and began to apply their lessons. I couldn't believe the difference! At one point I walked into my husband's place of employment and there were people that he has worked with for several years that honestly did not recognize me because my face was NOT broken out, red, and inflamed!
I am no beauty queen, let me tell you...but for the last couple of weeks I have felt beautiful, attractive, and much more willing to go out in public than I ever have in the past! And, the biggest reason is that my face is finally healing! I have two blemishes on my face right now that should be healed within a week and there are no new breakouts that I can see. I feel so much better about myself and I find myself smiling a lot more than ever before.
This has led to so many other things...to begin with, I am enjoying my days more now. I am not nearly as nervous about going out in public because my face is so much smoother, clearer, and more even so as not to cause questions to be asked or looks to be given. I am even beginning to dress more womanly! I WANT to look nice for myself and my family because now I can. I have never been a real "girly girl" because I could never present a clear face to the world so why bother? Now that my face is clearing, evening out, and the scars are finally losing their redness without new blemishes taking their place, I find I want to do things like paint my nails, curl my hair, accessorize, and even whiten my teeth! I'm quickly figuring out that being even a little "girly" is expensive...but totally worth it!
Well...it's time to fix some supper for the family and to bring an end to this novelette.
Tari
I'm the mother of 4 wonderful and keep-me-on-my-toes children. They are the joy of my life and are always teaching me new things...mostly how to stay young in heart. I am constantly reminded that the little things matter the most. Things like hugs and kisses before bed, before school, after school, any time any of us need one or both. My kids show me all of their love and only ask that I love them in return (that's the big picture anyway...they always seem to be asking for a new gadget, toy, privilege, time off of grounding for good behavior, etc). One of the ways I gauge good days vs. bad days is based on how much we have laughed that day. If we have laughed more than frowned, then it's been a good day.
I love to learn new things and have taught myself a fair amount about computers: how to maintain them, how to use them to their full potential, how to make websites from the ground up, and a lot more (but not nearly enough to stay on top of a lot of kids today). The one thing I still have going for me is that I am still ahead of my kids in the technological arena, but not for long, I'm sure.
I insist on a positive attitude for myself as well as am teaching it to my children. I have been working on the hubby for the last 16 years, and he is finally starting to come around...see...persistence DOES pay off! HaHa I believe that if I'm looking for a needle in a haystack, I will find it and inversely, if I'm looking for a diamond in the rough, I will find that too. I choose to look at my mistakes as possibilities to be turned into strengths instead of things to ignore in hopes that they will go away. Only when I learn from my mistakes to I break the cycle of continuing the insanity of doing the same thing over and over while hoping for a different result.
I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. However, I am boring to a degree. I am a huge proponent for family. I am a huge proponent for change starting with me. Oh listen to me...I sound like I'm trying to convince you to like me...maybe I am. That's one of my insecurities...I want to be liked. I have been told that is normal...even though I don't always feel normal.
Because I don't always feel normal, I do things that help me feel normal for periods of time. Things like learn how to apply my makeup. Actually, I should say re-learn how to apply makeup. See, I have rosacea, as well as adult acne and have since I was 15. I'm almost 40 now and it has only been in the last 4 years that I have found out what rosacea was and now it has impacted my life. I quit wearing makeup for the most part over 15 years ago. The breakouts have been horrific, sometimes to the point where I would not leave the house for weeks at a time because I was so embarrassed. I did not attend my childrens' school functions, I would not socialize, I would not even look in the mirror because I didn't want to see the horrible break-outs. The ONLY things that seemed to help was taking antibiotics, washing with a prescription medicine, and putting some prescription strength retin-A on my face every day. The problem there was that I would have been shelling out over 200 dollars a month for that medicine and with 4 kids, a common-law husband (I am not on his insurance) who is not allowed overtime, the money just was never there. So, I have been just "dealing" with this all of this time.
About a month ago I began to see a light on the horizon. I went over to a friend's house and she gave me some of her unopened mineral makeup. I had mentioned that I had been lusting after this kind of makeup for years but could not afford it and she happened to have some she bought but never used because she just is not a makeup person. We had a "mini-makeover" and she showed me how to apply it and the kind of coverage it gave. I wore that makeup the rest of the night with NO ITCHING! That was the first time in my history of wearing any kind of makeup without my face itching after an hour, two, or even three! When I got home, I washed the makeup off and went to bed. The next day I decided to play around with it and figure out if it was just a one time thing or if this makeup really was as good as everyone had been saying. The next couple of weeks were hit and miss as far as wearing it regularly because I didn't have any decent brushes.
In the interim I began scouring youtube to find tutorials on how to apply makeup to get the looks I was going for (natural and accenting the features I have while hiding the now healing flare-ups). I found so many good videos and began to apply their lessons. I couldn't believe the difference! At one point I walked into my husband's place of employment and there were people that he has worked with for several years that honestly did not recognize me because my face was NOT broken out, red, and inflamed!
I am no beauty queen, let me tell you...but for the last couple of weeks I have felt beautiful, attractive, and much more willing to go out in public than I ever have in the past! And, the biggest reason is that my face is finally healing! I have two blemishes on my face right now that should be healed within a week and there are no new breakouts that I can see. I feel so much better about myself and I find myself smiling a lot more than ever before.
This has led to so many other things...to begin with, I am enjoying my days more now. I am not nearly as nervous about going out in public because my face is so much smoother, clearer, and more even so as not to cause questions to be asked or looks to be given. I am even beginning to dress more womanly! I WANT to look nice for myself and my family because now I can. I have never been a real "girly girl" because I could never present a clear face to the world so why bother? Now that my face is clearing, evening out, and the scars are finally losing their redness without new blemishes taking their place, I find I want to do things like paint my nails, curl my hair, accessorize, and even whiten my teeth! I'm quickly figuring out that being even a little "girly" is expensive...but totally worth it!
Well...it's time to fix some supper for the family and to bring an end to this novelette.
Tari
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